Wednesday 17 June 2015

Breathe again














Looks like this one was actually completed in 2003, but I do remember starting it in 2000 i seem to recall to annoy my playwriting tutor who i know for a fact hated the idea behind it where he wanted a story rather than experimental theatre designed to make people think.

Re-reading this found on a old disc, i am not sure i would have the guts to stage it but it's interesting..




BREATHE AGAIN


(THE AUDIENCE IS ARRANGED IN A CIRCLE AROUND THE PERFORMER (THE MAN). THE MAN IS LYNG BACK DOWN ON THE FLOOR. HE IS STARING UP AT THE CEILING BLANKLY)

(SILENCE. A HEARTBEAT THEN STARTS. A FEW SECONDS LATER, THE MAN SITS UP TAKES A DEEP BREATHE AND SCREAMS OUT)

Man:

I can see.

(THE HEARTBEAT STOPS AND THE MAN GETS ONTO HIS FEET)

(HE LOOKS UPWARDS TOWARD THE CEILING AND THEN WALKS TOWARDS THE AUDIENCE AND STOPS AND THEN SCREAMS OUT)

Man:

I can see what you think.

(HE LOOKS DOWN AT THE FLOOR AND THEN SPEAKS AGAIN)

Man:

I can see what you want.

(WALKS TOWARDS A AUDIENCE MEMBER AND THEN SPEAKS)

Man:

I can see what you are really like.

(HE THEN WALKS TOWARDS A YOUNG FEMALE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE AND THEN SAYS)

Man:

I can see what you didn’t tell him.
The nights he would spend weeping
, sobbing loudly into his pillow.
The nights you would tell him
your mum was critically ill
while you were secretly seeing
him . I know. Believe me, I know.


(A MALE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE STARTS GIGGLING)

Man:

Oh god, I was wondering
when you would start.

(STEPS TOWARDS THIS MAN)


Audience man 1:

I’ve done nothing wrong.

Man:

Unless you call sleeping with your 16 year
old step - daughter a crime.

Audience Man 1:

No, I didn’t.

Man:

Oh God. Go ahead it, deny it. You can
bloody well deny it again and again til
you are blue in the face but I know.
I know all about you. I know about the
abuse you dished out to the girl, telling her
“it’s daddy’s little secret. You mustn’t tell
anybody about it.” Yeah, I know all you.

Audience Man 1:

No, I didn’t.


(ANOTHER MALE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE GETS UP AND WALKS OUT)

Man:

And where the fuck are you off too?

(THIS MAN STOPS, TURNS ROUND AND ANSWERS)


Audience Man 2:

This isn’t theatre. I’ve not paid 10
fucking quid to watch you walk
around and abuse people.

(MAN TAKES A DEEP BREATH BEFORE ANSWERING)

Man:

Okay, what do you call theatre then?
Do you want me to start jumping
up and down on my head and sing
rule fucking Britannia while the walls
cave in.

Audience Man 2:

I, I…


Man (Cutting Straight in):

What do you call theatre? Do you want
me to go and drag a load off you on
stage and re-act Romeo and Juliet
as a  truly modern tragedy, turning the
story into a drug war story with two
young lovers stuck in the middle.

Audience Man 2:

But we won’t be acting it. I, I don’t
Know how to act…..

(PAUSE)

Man:

That doesn’t matter, theatre is not
just about the story. It is about the
emotion it brings out in you.
Theatre when it was first started
was designed to challenge people’s beliefs,
make them question everything that existed
in their lives. Romeo and Juliet at its time
were regarded as a challenging story in the
sense of it did not project the happy
message that existed in stories before.
It was a story that if you read your history
books was regarded as a modern tale, of the
way two young lovers were forbidden from
being together by their families.

It was a brave, honest story that embraced
More modern theories such as Certeau’s concept
Of  the “tactics” of the weak in society. Romeo
and Juliet is perhaps two key examples of his
theory in the way society creating
representations  such as this are packaged in
symbolic and  material advantage in the interstices
of dominant structures.

Male member of audience 2:

I don’t understand you.

(MAN WALKS BACK TO THE FIRST MAN, LEAVING THE MALE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE 2 STANDING THERE LOOKING GOB-SMACKED)

Okay, let’s look at this from a different angle.
Look at this man. He’s probably come from
a middle class family. His dad’s probably
been in his job for 25 years. Never had a
fucking days off sick in his life. Probably
drives a Mercedes everywhere or something.
When was the last time he had to worry about
every penny he got that comes in every week?

(PAUSE)

What does he, what do you care about society?
What do you put into society apart from trying to
make more and more money for yourself? What
do you care about the homeless, the needy? The poor bastards who freeze their bollocks off on Christmas
Day in some freezing alleyway. The poor who
starve every day in the most disease ridded
out-backs of Africa. What do you care about
society?

(PAUSE)

What do you care about what happens to
people who come from less needy backgrounds.
Parents who worry where their next penny is
going to come from. People who can’t afford to
move out of the shit-hole they were born in and
have to suffer watching their children getting
dragged into the bullshit that drags them into a mindless cycle of violence and death.


Male Member of the audience 1:

I’m not like that.

Man:

It doesn’t matter what you are like,
can’t you see? We are just characters
in some ramshackle story.

(WALKS BACK TO THE MALE MEMBER OF THE AUDIENCE 2 WHO IS STILL STOOD THERE GOB SMACKED)

We are all just representations in one
form or the other be in real life or from
some faded pages of some ancient
manuscript. We are just representations
in one form or the other. Whether we live in
the pages of a book or struggle through day
after day in a boring 9 to 5 job.

(POINTS TO THE MALE MEMBER OF AUDIENCE 2)

Look again at Romeo and Juliet. They are portrayed
As the great lost lovers in history, but they are just representations of people. They are projected to us as representations of people we can identity with, images can feel sorry for, cry with, pity, hate and ultimately understand.

Look at other examples.

(PUTS HIS HAND ON THE SECOND AUDIENCE MEMBER’S SHOULDER)

Think about it. I could be your lover. I could be your boyfriend with whom you may pounce around various
gay nightclubs wearing tight pink leather pants
and trap off with anything in sight once his backs turned.

(PAUSE)

Second Male Member of the Audience:

I’m not gay.

Man:

It doesn’t matter. It is just an example. A representation. Just like I could be your conscience, tapping away at your soul, screaming out your darkest desires hoping almost slyly you would take my advice and fall flat on your face.

(PAUSE)

(MAN SITS DOWN. PULLS OUT A CIG AND STARTS SMOKING IT. AFTER A COUPLE OF SECONDS, HE STOPS AND STUMPS IT OUT)

I could be this cigarette that I have just stumped out into the ground. I could be sat here instead of you watching you. I could be sat here, watching, thinking. I could be a nail hammered into a wall living on the edge of a existence wondering when it’s whole existence is about to come crashing down. I could be a Buddhism monk who lives in the most far away area of Tibet who has spent his whole life trying to teach all about the joys of meditation in spiritual development only for it to be ripped away by some over zealous Chinese Soldier who would cut him down without batting a eye-lid because he represents a threat to their way of life, their families, their hopes, their dreams.

(PAUSE)

This is what I could be described as. A threat, perhaps a
Preacher who is just the mouth-point to some Author’s voice-point. A whore an Author can use and use and use until there is nothing else left to use and then throw into the abyss.

Ask yourself then what is the point of your life? I’ve struggled through all kinds of crap just to be here. Just to tell you, just to warn you. I’ve left behind a trail of dead bodies murdered in the back allies of streets, ripping out their hearts simply because I can.

I’ve spent weeks, nay months as the holist of preachers, striving through dis-used street after street trying to find a answer, a way to help those more needy than me. Engulfing their tears, suffering their pain because I can.

THIS IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DISCUSS.

The representations contained within Certeau’s society, the very tactics of the weak in society where only the strong shall survive and the weak shall get eaten alive.

The representations contained in books or plays tell only a element of the truth. They don’t show the elements we all have to go through. Moments like when we have to keep getting up for work, although we may every moment after it. Life is not black ~ white as fiction directs it is. It is perhaps a muddled grey, or a
Bleak like looking red.

We are all perhaps Romeo and Juliet’s in one way or the other. People un-able to get what they want. Stuck in fruitless relationships with people we never cared for or jobs we never really gave a shit about in the first place.

THIS IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DISCUSS.

Not my life. Not a fictional account of whatever bollocks I may feel like telling you.

THIS IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO DISCUSS.

(Falls to the floor)

THIS IS FACT, NOT FICTION

(DOESN’T GET UP. A GUN – SHOT IS HEARD)

Or is it?

(DOESN’T MOVE)



(Fade to Black)

Sunday 22 March 2015

Breakfast for Snooker Balls (Complete Play)

(NB. Not sure if I would call this a play or a series of random, mad sketches interlinked together. According to my records, this was wrote in one afternoon on 05 July 1999 with three ex university buddies, Steve W, Francis Kershaw and Peter Moore wrote as a reaction to what we thought was bad teaching by then our then university lecturer on playwriting by breaking all of the rules we had been taught I guess.Looking back at this 15 years later, it made me smile typing up at the surreal like nature of this piece and mad humour. Hope you like it too

Andy – Mar 2015)



1. Ext. A Street. A Day


(DAVE AND JIM SEE EACH OTHER AND
PROCEED TO TALK.  JIM’S VOICE IS DUBBED ON)

Dave:

Hello Jim.

Jim:

Hello Dave.

Dave:

How has you been Jim?

Jim:

Oh not too bad, Dave. Not bad. Can’t complain. Well, I could
But where would that get me Dave? Nowhere, that’s where Dave.

Dave:

Aye, you’re right there Jim.

Jim:

Got a bit of a bad back though, Dave you know from lifting boxes.
The doctor says I’m not use to use heavy machinery for a couple
Of months.

Dave:

Yeah, I’m in the same boat. I was fixing the lead on top of my
Bungalow and a big gust of wind shot up my night shirt and blew
Me onto next door’s patio. I did a couple of discs in. Hurt like
Bleeding hell, I’ll tell you that for nothing, Jim.


Jim:

Sounds nasty Dave, yeah, sounds nasty. Did I tell you about
What happened to me a coiple of months ago, Dave?

Dave:

Yeah, lifting boxes, Jim.

Jim:

No, no, Dave, that was the other week. A couple of months ago

I was helping unload this van, full of glass it was, Dave. Big panes they were, Dave, the biggest panes they make.

Dave:

How big were they, Dave?

Jim:

Ooh, they must have been three hundred feet by four hundred feet, Dave.

Dave:

Yeah?

Jim:

At least.

Dave:

How would they get em in the back of the van, Jim, they don’t make
Vans that big.

Jim:

They do in my neck of the woods, Dave.

Dave:

Oh right, Jim.

(JIM TOUCHES DAVE’S FACE TENDERLY. DAVE PUSHES JIM’S HAND AWAY)

Dave:

Jim, did I ever tell you how much I hated you, Jim?

Jim:

No, Jim I don’t believe you did.

Dave:

Well, I really do hate you, Jim.

Jim:

Oh yeah, Dave?

Dave:

YEAH

Jim:

How much do you hate me then Dave?

Dave:

…  a fucking lot, Jim. Wait here will you Jim?

Jim:

Aye, okay Dave.

(DAVE WALKS OFF.

PAUSE.

A LONG PAUSE

AROUND TWENTY MINUTES

DAVE RETURNS WITH A BILLIARD BALL IN
A SOCK)

Jim:

What’s that you’ve got there, Dave?

Dave:

This Jim? It’s a billard ball in a sock.

Jim:

What you gonna do with that Dave?

Dave:

I’m going to give your noggin a floggin’

(DAVE HITS JIM ON THE HEAD WITH THE SOCK.
AS HE DOES SO, HE SAYS..)

Dave:

Take that, you fucker

(JIM FALLS TO THE GROUND. DAVE STSNDS ABOVE
HIM, SWINGING HIS SOCK AND LAUGHING)

(MANUEL ENTERS WITH A DONKEY)

Dave:

Hello Manuel

Manuel:

Hello Dave.

Dave:

How are you keeping Manuel?

Manuel:

Oh, I’m okay, Dave. It’s the donkey. He’s ill.

Donkey:

Ee-haw.

Dave:

Oh dear. His larynx sounds poorly. You want to get him off to the animal Doctor, Manuel.

Manuel:

Yes, Dave. I’m off there now. See you boy!


Dave:

Aye, see you kidder.

(MANUEL AND THE DONKEY LEAVE)

Dave:

Potoes! Potatoes! Come and get your potatoes. Only twenty six pence a kilo! You can’t say fairer than that, can you Darling?

(DAVE LAUGHS HIS SILLY SOCKS OFF)

Dave:

I like battenburg cake


SCENE 2

Int. of a South Carloina Plate Shop

Kerry:

Hello Jim, how’s your head?


Jim:

Hello, Kerry. My head is fine, why do you ask?

Kerry:

Well Jim, I was told that Dave hit you with a billard
Ball in a sock, didn’t you Dave?

Dave:

Yes, Kerry I did him but not very hard, did I Jim well you
Only lost one eye and half your brian, eh Jim?

Jim:

Well, Dave we did find my eye under the Donkey and we would

Have got the rest of brain but that dog ate it, but hey Kerry

Don’t you have a dog?

Kerry:

Yes, Jim I do have a dog. But I don’t think it was the one
That ate your brain because Dave stuffed it and

Put it on castors two months ago, didn’t you Dave?


Dave:

Kerry’s right, Jim. I stuffed the dog, it was cheaper than
Feeding it and I put a cassette player in of it barking and
Put a simple engine to make his tail wag. Jim, do you still
Get those headaches now?

Jim:

Only down the left side now, Dave, its heaven, the side with
A brain never recohnises the pain so I can now
Watch telly with the light on. What about your cat, kerry
Is she still about to have kittens?

Kerry:

Yes, Jim. She has been pregnant for about five years now, but the

Doc says she’ll be fine for a while yet don’t you Dave?

Dave:

Well, Kerry in my opnion and Jim will agree with me
Won’t you, Jim.. Jim I’m talking to you.. I’m sorry
Kerry he gets that way these days, let me just get my sock.

(DAVE PUTS HIS HAND INTO HIS TROUSTERS AND
FISHES OUT HIS SOCK WITH BILLARD BALL)

Dave:
(SWINGING THE SOCK ROUND HIS HEAD)

Oh Jim, Kerry you might want to watch this…


Kerry:

You know something, Dave you are full of bullshit
Sometimes.

Dave:

Kerry, how dare you say I am full of bullshit.

Jim:

You are, Dave.

Kerry:

Jim, Dave come on both of you are over

Reacting at the moment, what would Manuel
Say if he was here..

Dave:

Kerry, he would probably tell you to piss off too

(DAVE PULLS OUT A CRICKET BAT FROM
INSIDE HIS PANTS)

Dave:

Jim, I’m going to stump your middle wicket..

Jim:

Dave, you are such a imbecile, Kerry, will
You please tell him that his penis is not detachable
And is so small he..

Kerry:

Jim, fuck off and tell Dave the prick yourself.

Manuel:

Kerry, hello are you, hello Dave still wanking
As usual, you fucking pevert. Jim I’ve got
Something for you.

Jim:

Manuel, hello there girl. Dave’s just showing

Off for Kerry.

Manuel:

Jim, I’ve got your brain. It’s full of a shit, but
You always were a shit for brains. Dave gutted
My dog and we found it in his bowels but
Here it is.

(MANUEL PUTS HIS HAND DOWN HIS SHIRT
AND BRINGS OUT A STEAMING MESS OF SHIT
AND GIVES IT TO JIM. JIM EAGLEY EATS IT)

Jim:

Thanks  Manuel. It tastes lovely. Kerry do you have

Any salt? And a drink to wash it down with?

Bob:

Here, Jim drink this. Kerry produced it earlier, didn’t
You Kerry and her and dave added the lumps, didn’t
You guys?

Manuel:

Bob, give it to me first as I’d like to add something.
I’m feeling a bit queasy. I had to fuck Dave last night
As payment and he’s a bloody awful shag.

Bob:

Ok Manuel.

Jim:

Manuel, how’s the donkey? Me and Davem that stupid
Fucker over there eating shit, were just talking about it.

Manuel:

It’s Dead, Jim. It ate the dog, so I had to stick my arm
Up it’s arse and fuck it to death.

Dave:

Manuel, that sounds fun, you should have sent for us
We’d all have had a go. Kerry could have borrowed
My strap on so she could shag it too.

Bob:

I thought you had standard, Dave. It sounds like
You will honestly shag anything nowadays. You
Sick mother..

Dave:

Bob, who shagged that camuel?

Bob:

At least, I did it with style, Dave?

Kerry:

Bob, you are really sick. I don’t know
Why I hang around with you lot sometimes.

Jim:

Kerry, you hang around with us lot because
You like it from all directions..

Kerry:

No, I don’t, Jim. I do not like group sex.

Bob:

Kerry, who shagged their way through
Arsenal’s Defence?

Kerry:

Bob, it was as stiff a defence by the time
I finished with them. At least I keep it
Off Donkeys..

Bob:

Kerry, I have never shagged a Donkey.

Manuel:

Bob, I thought you paid me to borrow
Bessie the other week..

Bob:

Manuel, that was for scenific purposes.
Let me show you..

(BOB DROPS HIS PANTS)

(OUTSIDE A STARFURY LANDS AND OUT OF IT
THE PILOT COMES INTO THE SHOP)

Pilot:

Hello, Kerry, Jim, Dave, Bob, Manuel and Les Smith,
How are you doing?

Les:

Hello, Kerry, Jim, Dave, Bob, Manuel and Pilot – it
Seems like I’ve been missing a lot of shagging but I’m
Game

(LES PROMPTY DROPS HIS PANTS AND STARTS
RIDING BOB)

Bob:

Thanks Les, Jim do you want a gobble?

Jim:

No Bob, you’re alright. I just want to shag Kerry
And Dave being the meat in the sandwich so to speak.

Dave:

Jim, I think this is getting out of hand we seem to be
Characters acting very strangely and we’re missing
The storyline.

Bob:

It’s a crummy story anyhow. Dave.

Manuel:

Well I like it, Bob and I don’t care what Les, Jim, Pilot
Or anyone says. So there, you can all fuck off.

(OUTSIDE A TRAIN CRASHES INTO THE STARFURY
AND DERAILS JUST OUTSIDE OF THE SHOP, DUST FLIES
EVERYWHERE AND TWO PLATES GET BROKEN. LES IS
PUT OFF HIS STRIDE AND THE TRAIN DRIVER COMES
IN TO SAY SORRY)

All:

Hello, train driver.


Train driver:

Hello, Tony, frank, Ian, Margaret, Jed, Geoff, Kenny

And Pilot, Who owns the flying saucer?

Pilot:

It’s mine, train driver

Train driver:

I’m sorry, Pilot but I’ve just panged it with my locomotive

Choo-choo train.

Pilot:

Is it called Ivor, Train Driver?

Train driver:

Yes, Pilot.

Pilot:

Has it done any damage, Train driver?

Train Driver:

Yes, pilot, I’m afraid your flying saucer’s fucked.

Pilot:

Ooh, you bastard. Come here you bastard, I’m
Going to twat you up royally.

Train driver:

I’ve got a bad heart, Pilot.

Pilot:

Alright, train driver. I’ll let you off, you
Little monkey. But don’t do you it again
Or I’ll fuck you arse til Boxing day

(ENTER JOHN)

All:

Look, it’s John, the man who says everything backwards.

John:

Hello everyone. I’m going to sing a song, would you

Like to sing along?

All:

Fuck off.

(THEY CARRY JOHN OFF)



3. Int. Cake Shop.

John:

Hello Cake Shop Owner.

Cake Shop Owner:

Hello John.

John:

Have you seen Pablo, Cake Shop Owner?


Cake Shop Owner:

Don’t call me Cake Shop Owner, John.

John:

Why ever not, Cake Shop Owner?

Cake Shop Owner:

Because my name’s not ‘Cake Shop Owner’ my name’s Deirdre, John.

John:

So mine’s Cake Shop Owner


4.

(JOHN ENTERS. THERE IS A WOMAN DRESSED IN RED
SINGING ‘TIE MY KANGAROO DOWN SPORT’ IN THE CORNER. DES IS BEHIND THE CORNER)

John (to Des):

Hello Des.

Des:

Hello Deirdre. Have you seen Les, Dave, Jim, Manuel, Kerry, Bob, Pilot, Train Driver or John?

John:

No, Des.

Des:

You’re a lying fucker, your name’s John. The fact that you go around saying ‘hello’s my name’s Deirdre’ to all and sundry cuts no ice in this café, John, Deirdre or what the fuck you call yourself.

John:

Okay! Okay! Okay! Yes, I have seen Dave but I haven’t seen any of the others. Not since ten minutes ago, But even then I couldn’t see them at once. Des. Anyway who goes a fuck?

Des:

That’s true enough Brian

John:

John, you seen a woman dressed in red standing in the mirror singing ‘Tie My Kangaroo Down Sport?;

Des:

Yeah, Den, there’s one over there.

John:

Right.

(JOHN GETS A HAM SANDWICH OUT OF HIS POCKET AND
WALKS TOWARDS THE WOMAN)

John:  (TO WOMAN)

Coo coo coo coo coo coo coo. Come with me.. I’ve got some ham in  my house. You can have all the ham you want. Best stuff available. No rubbish. 

(WOMAN FOLLOWS HIM OUT OF THE SHPP, OUTSIDE. HE HITS WITH THE HAM. SHE FALLS TO THE GROUND, JOHN STELAS ONE OF HER SHOES AND RUNS AWAY)








Monday 16 March 2015

Dead and...?
















This one is a full length play which I am guessing was wrote in either 2001 or 2002 in all likehood for a competition which clearly I didn’t win but has surprised me re-reading it how scary it is.

Probably didn’t win it as it is too horrific for theatre goers.

Enjoy

Andy

And Buried?

(CAST TWO MEN: STEVE AND
PAUL – BOTH EARLY 30’S) 

(SETTING – STEVE’S FLAT)

(IN THE LIVING ROOM – THERE IS
TWO DOORS VISIBLE ONE IS LEADING TO
KITCHEN AND ONE LEADING TO THE FRONT
DOOR)

(BOTH ARE SHUT) 

(TIME: NOW)

(FADE IN FROM DARKNESS)

(STEVE IS SITTING IN
HIS ARMCHAIR)

(THERE IS A KNOCK
ON HIS FRONT DOOR)

(STEVE DOES NOT RESPOND)

(PAUSE)

(THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK ON HIS
FRONT DOOR WHICH IS SLIGHTLY
LOUDER THAN THE FIRST KNOCK)

(STEVE DOES NOT RESPOND)

(PAUSE)

(THERE IS A THIRD KNOCK ON HIS FRONT
DOOR WHICH IS A EVEN LOUDER KNOCK
ON HIS FRONT DOOR)

(STEVE DOES NOT RESPOND)

(PAUSE) 

(PAUL’S VOICE CAN BE HEARD CALLING
THROUGH HIS LETTER BOX)

Paul:

Steve..

(STEVE DOES NOT
RESPOND)

Paul: (Calls again)

STEVE…

(STEVE DOES NOT
RESPOND)

Paul: (Calls yet again)

Are you there, mate?

(STEVE DOES NOT RESPOND)


(THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK ON THE
FRONT DOOR) 


(STEVE LIFTS UP HIS HEAD SLOWLY)

Paul:

If you don’t answer me, I’ll call the Police.

(STEVE SLOWLY GETS OUT OF
THE ARMCHAIR LIKE A ELDERLY
MAN EVEN THOUGH HE IS ONLY IN
HIS EARLY 30’S AND HE
SLOWLY WALKS TOWARDS
THE FRONT DOOR)

(ONCE STEVE REACHES THE FRONT
DOOR, HE LETS PAUL IN)

(STEVE  SITS BACK DOWN ON HIS SOFA
SLOWLY AGAIN WALKING LIKE A ELDERLY
MAN AND PAUL THEN SITS OPPSITEE HIM
ON HIS ARMCHAIR)

Paul:

I came as quick as I can. You sounded
Frantic., even worse…

Steve:

You don’t know the half off it.

Paul:

I don’t understand you.

Steve:

You don’t know
Even the half of it.

(STEVE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS
HANDS TOWARDS THE FLOOR)

Steve:

I do not know where
To start…

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I haven’t slept
In over 48 hours..



Paul:

Bloody hell..

Steve:

I can’t get him
Out of my mind.

Paul:

Can’t get who out
Of your head?

(NO RESPONSE FROM STEVE)

Paul (Carrying on):

I don’t understand you, mate… You
Were ranting three hundred words a minute
On the phone to me barely half an hour
Ago.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I could barely understand a bloody word
Of what you were saying – you
Were talking that fast and
When I get round here –
you, you are…

(NO ANSWER)

Paul (Carrying on):

You’re just sitting here  with a face
As blank as a sheet or a Ghost.

(NO ANSWER FROM STEVE)


Paul:

The way you were talking I thought you
Were dying or something even worse…

(PAUSE)

Paul:

You sounded like the world had just
ended and when I get here you’re,
The complete bloody opposite…

(PAUSE)

Paul:

What has happened Mate?

(NO RESPONSE FROM STEVE)

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I can’t help you if you don’t
Tell me what you want or
What’s happened?

(NO RESPONSE FROM STEVE)

Paul:

Do you want me to go?

Steve:

No.

(PAUSE)



Steve:

I need you to stay.
I  desperately need
To Talk you, mate. It really
Is a matter of life and death

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Literally.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

You know who I am talking
About.

Paul:

No I don’t.

Steve:

Yes, you know who I am talking
About.

Paul:

I don’t have a bloody clue
What you are talking
About mate.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

What the hell has  happened?



(THERE IS NO ANSWER FROM
STEVE)

Paul:

You’re scaring me mate…
I’ve never seen you like this..

(PAUSE)

Paul:

If you want me to help you
Mate, you’ll going to have to tell
Me how I can help you.
You’re going to have to tell me
What has happened to you.

Steve:

I don’t think you can help me mate.
Honest to god, I  don’t think you
Or anybody else can help me
Now. I’m a dead man
Either way.

Paul:

I don’t understand you.

Steve:

Alan said…

Paul (Cutting straight in):

ALAN

Steve:

Alan..


Paul:

Alan?

Steve:

Alan said he’s going to kill me… He’s said he’s
Going to take his time to kill me in ways I
Could not even believe possible.

Paul:

That’s impossible..

Steve:

It happened alright He sat as far away from
me as you are and told me that. He said
he would think up of new ways of torturing
me and he would make me beg for my life
over and over again and drag out my
suffering beyond belief and he would still
carry on. He would carry on until the tears
started flooding out of my eyes and
ran dry.

Paul:

That’s impossible I saw

Steve (Cutting straight in):

Don’t you think I know that - I was
there with you but I am kidding you not.
He walked over to me in the Crown as clear
As day as I was born and said to me
‘Hiya, mate how are you?’

Paul:

Jesus,  mate – This is in
Pretty poor taste. I bet Dave
Put you up to this.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

This sounds exactlylike the sort of stunt
He would arrange for the pair of you
to pull on me to wind me up good
and proper. I’ve not forgotten what
he did to Billy last year.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Little bastard…

Steve:

Dave’s Dead.

Paul:

I bet the swine is hiding behind the Kitchen
Door like he was on bloody Beadle’s About
On Candid Camera ready to jump out
In a few minutes time when you have
Really convinced he is dead.
I will literally string him up by his balls
if he’s hiding behind that door  mate,
you do realize. 

(PAUL GETS UP AND WALKS
TOWARDS THE KITCHEN
DOOR)

Steve:

Paul, Dave’s dead.




(PAUL TURNS ROUND
AND LOOKS ROUND
AT HIM
IN SHOCK)

Paul:

He’s what?

(PAUL WALKS
BACK TO STEVE) 

Steve:

Dave’s dead.

Paul:

You’re joking.

Steve:

Alan said so

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Alan said he’s dead.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He said he saw him die
and  he even helped
Him tie the bloody
Noose.

Paul:

Impossible.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He told me he
Deserved it
And he only
Wished he could
Have dragged
His suffering out
For a little bit longer

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

He said he just
Got fid of the
Whinging
And told him
Just bloody
Do it.

Paul:

It’s impossible.
I spoke to him
Only last night.
Barbara would
Have rang me if
Anything had
Happened to
Him.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

It’s impossible
Mate. If Dave’s
Not taking the
Piss here – I’ll…

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I’ll

(STEVE STARTS CRYING)

(PAUL GETS UP AND SITS NEXT
TO HIM  ON THE SOFA)

Steve:

Ring her mate
If you don’t believe
Me. Ring me.

(PAUL PICKS UP STEVE’S PHONE
AND STARTS DIALLING
DAVE’S NUMBER)

 Paul:

Hi Babs. It’s Paul..

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Is Dave there?

(PAUSE)
Paul:

Jesus.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Since when?

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Oh god.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I am sorry, chuck.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I really am. I honestly
Did not know.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Can you let me know
When the service is

(PAUSE)

(PAUL PUTS THE PHONE
DOWN AND SITS BACK
DOWN ON THE ARMCHAIR
OPPSITEE STEVE)

Paul:

I’m sorry, mate…
I didn’t know,
I honestly
Did not know.

Steve:

It’s not you
Mate. I just haven’t
Slept that well since
Monday..

Paul:

Understandable.

Steve:

I ended up going for
A walk yesterday
Evening. I don’t know
Why…

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

I guess I needed
To clear my head…

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I walked all over Sudden
Mounts and then back
Past the Spa on Cooper
Street and got some
Right looks out of the
Local scum..

(PAUSE)






Steve:

Little fuckers I almost came close to going
Up to one of those little swines and
Knocking their lights right out. I bet none
Of these little swines have come to doing
What we did on Monday.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

One of the little gits openly started mocking
Me. I am sure I am sure I hear him call me
A saddo .

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I don’t think you realize how close I
Came.

Paul:

Understandable.

Steve:

I love kids
Normally honestly
As you know.
I don’t know
What came over me.
I honestly thought
I was going to turn
Round to them and
Try to kill one or
Two of the little
Swines for a few
Seconds but
Thankfully I came
To my senses
And  I just snarled
At him and he
Disappeared back
Into the shadows
And I carried on
Walking.

(PAUSE)


Steve:

I walked all
Round Cooper Street
And before I knew it
I was in the Old Cock
And Hens and I
Had a pint of
Real Ale
In my hand
And I had Jeff
You know, Jeff’s
Bob’s brother
Saying you
Alright, mate

(PAUSE)

Steve:

You know
What me and Jeff
Are normally like
We’ll normally drink
Until one of us
Drops literally
And then wreck
Havoc all over the
Centre of town
Afterwards without
Batting an eye lid
But when I turned
My head round
To him I could
See the shock
In his eyes
Honest to
God and
He said
‘ Jesus, mate
You look awful.
You look
Like you haven’t
Slept in days’

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

I came close to
Telling him mate.
I came close to
Telling him the
Full bloody
Works. The full
Sorry sad affair.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Can you imagine
His face if I told
Him what we
Did on Monday
After work?

Paul:

No.

Steve:

I’m totally
Ashamed I let you
Con me into it.

Paul:

You said you wanted to do it,
Mate.

Steve:

And don’t I know it Mate. I must have
Walked up and down  nearly all last night
About what you did. I didn’t sleep atall
Either on Tuesday Night.
I sat up all night tossing things over in
My head.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I’m not sure where you are leading with
This, mate. It’s not my fault you haven’t
Been able to sleep since Monday. I don’t
Understand you. You rang me up ranting on
The phone on over three hundred words a minute
And then get me here and tell this is a matter
Of life and death and feed me
Some cock and bull story about Alan
returning from the dead.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

If you care to remember
It was your idea when did
It.  It was you who rang me
Up originally.. It was you
Originally who pleaded
With me all night saying
We’d got to do it.

Steve: (Cutting in)

You ain’t listening to me
Mate. Of course I know
Whose was responsible
For it. Don’t you think
I have replayed it
Over and over and bloody
Over in my mind.
You don’t know what’s
Happened to me.
Do you honestly
Realize; mate  that even when
I went to bed  eventually last
Night –  I couldn’t sleep.
I walked up and down
My flat until I had almost
Worn my slippers out
And then to top it all, 
I ended up staring at the mirror
For seemingly an eternity until
It almost looked like my own
Reflection in the mirror was even
Telling me I told you so.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I’m at my wits end.

Paul:

How much do you want?

Steve:

It’s not about money,
Oh Christ, I wish
It was about just
About bloody money
Mate. It would have
Never done this.
It never was.
It never was about
The bloody money.
If it was, do you
Think I would rang
You up. I just can’t
Face another
Night like I
Had last night.
No amount of
Money could
Compense
For a breakdown

Paul:

What do you
Want then?

Steve:

What do you think
I want? I want to
Be able to sleep.

(PAUSE)

(PAUL GETS UP OUT OF
THE CHAIR)

Paul:

Go to the bloody doctors then.
I ain’t your bloody doctor.
I don’t  need this crap.

(PAUL WALKS TO THE DOOR)

Steve:

You are a selfish
Git, Barnes.

Paul:

Perhaps I am

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Perhaps I ain’t.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I just don’t give a toss.
If ain’t anything to do with me,
I just carry on walking.
You ain’t been able to sleep
Go to the bloody doctors.
I don’t have a magic
Wand. I’m good but I ain’t
That bloody  good. I can’t tell you
what medication you need to take.
I ain’t an bloody expert on sleeping
tablets.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

And for the record, mate
I don’t believe Alan murdered
Dave. Ghosts don’t exist
Let alone murder people.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I’m still half expecting Dave
To stick that big head of
His through the kitchen Door
Any minute after I have
Fucked off out of this shit-hole
And say ‘Did he believe you?’

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Well, you can tell him I not
As stupid as the pair of you look.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Please…

Paul:

Don’t start that crap with me.
I’ve told you how I feel.
I’m going  there isn’t
Anything I can do to help
You.  I’m ain’t going
To repeat myself again
Go to the sodding
Doctors

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He said he’s met your sister.

(PAUL STOPS. HE TURNS
BACK ROUND TO FACE
STEVE)

Paul:

I don’t have a sister.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He said he met Michelle…

(PAUSE)

Paul:

How the hell do you and
Dave know I had a sister?

Steve:

Neither me or Dave know about
You had a sister

(PAUSE)

Steve:

It was Alan.

Paul:

How did you know about Michelle?
I’ve not told you about her. Nor Dave
 Nobody knows about Michelle.

Steve:

Who was she? Alan only said
He had met her… I don’t
Know who she is.

Paul:

She is

(PAUSE)

Paul:

She was

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Was my twin sister.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

She died at
7.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I killed her

(PAUL LOOKS DOWN AT HIS HANDS)

(PAUSE)

Stephen:

Jesus.

Paul:

They said it was a accident.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I don’t  remember much
About it to be honest.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I was told I smacked her and
she hit the ground only she didn’t
Get back up again as kids
Normally do. I don’t know
Why I did it. perhaps she
Angered me or perhaps
I was just messing
Around.

(PAUSE)

I don’t know.Nobody, nobody
Knows about that.
We moved house
When I was 8 aside
From my parents.
I was always introduced
To people as their only
Child.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

I can’t believe I have
Told you that….

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Jaysis

(PAUL GETS UP AND LOOKS
OUT OF THE WINDOW
FOR A FEW SECONDS
BEFORE TURNING
BACK ROUND TO
FACE STEVE)

Paul:

I don’t know how
you know that.

Steve:

He just described
Her as a nice girl.
Full of freckles and
Bright blue eyes.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

And she had
Pink pigtails
In her hair.

(NO ANSWER FROM PAUL)

Steve:

I’m only telling you what
He told me in the first place,
Mate.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He almost ordered me to
Tell you this. He said you
Wouldn’t believe what he wants
Me to tell you if he didn’t
Say what I said to you.

(PAUSE)

(PAUL LOOKS AT HIM)

Paul:

I don’t know what to say.



Steve:

I didn’t understand him originally
True to god.  I must admit
I looked at him blankly
For more than a few seconds
But it was all to no aveal.

Paul:

He can’t be alive unless he has
A magic forcefield around his head.
I’ve never heard of anybody who
survived 3 bullets in the head,

Steve:

Neither did I..

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Honest to god.

Paul:

Where did you see him?

Steve:

I saw him at the Crown.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Did Bill, Ted or any of the others
See him?

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I don’t know, oh
God I do not honestly
Know.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I can’t remember how I actually
Remember how I go there in the first
Place, truthfully.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I don’t even remember really
leaving home in the first place.
I had gone to bed early again 
but I couldn’t sleep. I had spent
A hour tossing and turning in bed
Til it got to the stage when I had
Almost ripped the bed clothes
Off my bed and almost choked
Myself with them.  I had even tried
Watching TV

Paul:

You don’t watch TV normally.

Steve:

Yeah, and you know how Much I hate
That stuff on principle normally.
Anyway, I ended up watching some
Terrible, terrible, terrible
American film  and halfway through
it when the hero had just finished kissing
the dodgy girlfriend, he turned to face
the camera and I couldn’t believe it.

Steve:

It was Alan.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

This sounds very far fetched
Mate.

Steve:

I blinked for a good second
Or two – it was  impossible –
the film was from the 1950’s
Or something but yet the guy looked the
Exact spit of Alan.  I sat blinking for a
Few seconds and this character
Turned round  and brushed the
Girl aside and walked
Straight to the front
Of the camera and said
‘You’re mine, boy.
I can wait I can wait. 
I have all the time
In the world’

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I turned over the channel
In shock onto a  episode of Dallas
And sat there underneath
J.R’s hat was Alan
And he was smiling
‘You can change channels
In a flick of your hand
Boy, but you won’t
Be able to turn me off at
the drop of a button
Or your arm’

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Think about it to yourself, mate. Alan may have
Been a soft, stupid  cunt in real life,
But he seemed so different here.
Whether it was  something to do
With the look in his eyes or the way his
Shoulders were slightly hunched forward,
There was something different,
Something dangerously different.
I really wanted to turn off the bloody thing
But I couldn’t get out of the chair no matter
how hard my mind screamed at my feet
It was almost like  my feet were had
A mind of their own or were being
Held back against their will.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

This is a bit surreal,  mate. I’m not sure
What it has anything to do with Alan.

Steve:

It does, mate.
It really, real
Does.
It seemed
So, so, so real –
I honestly thought
For a second he was
Going to jump out of the
TV itself
And actually try
Strangling me.
It just seemed so
Bloody real.
It just seemed so
Bloody real.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Anyway, I can’t remember
What happened next.
Next thing I knew
I woke up on the chair
And something
Else was on but
I couldn’t see Alan.
I flicked through a
Few of the channels
Again, but everything
Was okay.
I thought honest to god, I
Must have dreamt it all.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I tried to make myself
Some tea but I couldn’t
Face it. As soon as I
Put it on the plate,
I lost complete
Interest and I knew
I couldn’t stand it
Anymore. I was
Literally at my wit’s end
I couldn’t stand anymore
looking at the same four
Walls.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I had to go out.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

And I ended up in the Crown.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Like I said before about Jeff,
He said to me ‘ Do you want
To talk about it?  Do you want
To sit down and have a good
Old fashioned whaffle about
Things?’And I couldn’t even
Begin to answer him properly.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

And he said ‘It’s your choice,
It’s your choice mate’
And then stormed off

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I think even Bob behind
The bar twigged something
Was up, and you remember how
Dosey he could be sometimes.

(PAUL NODS HIS
HEAD IN AGREEMENT)

Steve:

I mean, he said to me instantly when
I got to the bar. ‘The usual, Steve?”
And when I asked him for a Foster’s,
He said ‘ You alright, you look like you’ve
Seen a ghost’ How the hell could I tell him,
I’d been involved in a botched Taxi Robbery
And an accessory to murder only the
Night before?

(PAUSE)

Steve:

‘He served me my pint, even though
He must have known something was up.
And I went and sat down’

Paul:

What happened next?

Steve:

He walked in. Alan walked
In clear as the day you
Were born.

(PAUL IS SHOCKED AND IS ABOUT IS
ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING BUT STEVE CARRIES ON,
BEFORE HE CAN SAY SOMETHING AFTER A
SLIGHT PAUSE ALMOST AS IF HE IS IN A HURRY
TO GET THIS OFF HIS CHEST)

Steve:

I know the way you are looking
At me you don’t believe me
But I’m not joking, you mate.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

It was him as clear as
Sun-light..

(PAUSE)

Steve:

It was him alright.
I couldn’t believe it.
I honestly thought I
Was dreaming.

(PAUSE)


Steve:

He went straight up to
Bob. ‘A Pint of Stella for me,
Please, landlord  and a pint of
Fosters for my friend,
Sitting over there’
In exactly the way
He always spoke to
Bob.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

How did Bob react?

Steve:

Pretty well the way
He always
Reacts.. He just takes
The money and runs..
He doesn’t pay attention
To everybody that comes
In unless he knows you
Or he thinks you could
Under age,
So he just said how much
It was and poured him
The pint and took the
Money off him.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I’m not joking you, mate. I
Tried getting up and leaving, but
My bloody legs  wouldn’t let me
move. It was almost like they had
A mind of their own and
They were not  moving
Not matter what I said
Or did.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

But that’s not the most
Scary thing mate.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

The most scary thing
Is, Alan knew it and he
Turned round and gave me a
Sly wink that wasn’t as a hello
But a sort of I’ll see you in a
Minute, old son – don’t you
Dare bloody well move
Anywhere.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

‘How ya been keeping?’ He said
sitting down almost as if he
Didn’t have a care in the world.
I didn’t know what to say ‘Come
On, don’t tell me’ he carried on
‘Cat, got your tongue?
I couldn’t believe it
I thought I was drunk
You tell me how the hell
Somebody you had witnessed
Get shot three times
In the head
Could be sitting next
In the pub
Three days after
You watched him
Get shot.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

I couldn’t believe it.
He didn’t grab me by
The throat or anything
Or even give me
Any threats or
Anything… He
Just carried on
In his normal,
Simpilistic way
He asked me about Karen
And how the kids had
Been and then carried
On asking what had I
Been up to since I had
Last seen him in the
Crown while I sat
There wiggling like a snake..

Paul:

What happened?

Steve:

It got to the stage honestly,
When I  was beginning to wonder
If the robbery had been a dream.
It almost made me think we hadn’t done it,
And hadn’t broke in and shot him when
He got in our way.

Paul:

Tell me this is a joke.

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Please tell me  Dave bet you to tell me
All this?

(STEVE SHAKES HIS HEAD)

(PAUL IS SHOCKED AND IS ABOUT IS
ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING BUT STEVE CARRIES ON,
BEFORE HE CAN SAY SOMETHING AFTER A
SLIGHT PAUSE ALMOST AS IF HE IS IN A HURRY
TO GET THIS OFF HIS CHEST AND THEN PAUL
CUTS STRAIGHT IN)

Paul:

What have you been taking?

(PAUSE)

Paul:

You have called round here
And for what?

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Yes – for what?

(PAUSE)

Paul:

You do realize how
Impossible this all sounds
Don’t you, even though
You know about
Michelle… Anybody
Could have found out
About her if they had done
A bit of digging around –
It isn’t anything like a
X File or anything that.

Steve:

You’re not listening to
Me, mate.. It happened
Alright as clear as I
Am sat here talking to you
In-between two cups off
Coffee.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

It happened as clear as day,
Or as clear what we did that
Night.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

It happened and that’s the
God’s honest truth .

Paul:

What did he say?

Steve:

Like I said, mate – for a good
Minute or two, it seemed like
Nothing had happened and
Then he asked about you.

(PAUL LOOKS AT
HIS WATCH AND THEN
HE STARTS SWEATING
EVEN MORE)

Steve:

He started cracking a joke or two
To me – You remember what
He was like with them? He used
To love cracking them and he
Came out with a really sick one
About a Under-taker and once
I stopped laughing and it actually
Felt like for a few seconds
Monday Night had been
Nothing but a dream and he
Moved a little bit nearer to me
And whispered How’s my old
Mate, Stanley?

(PAUSE) 

Paul:

What happened next?

Steve:

When he looked at me
Then, it made me shiver.
Whether it was through
His smile or something else
I don’t know.  He asked
Again ‘how’s my old
Mate, Stanley?’ before
Carrying on in the
Same breathe
‘ What’s he been up to? ‘
‘ Has he killed any more
Security Guards recently?’

Paul:

He didn’t…

Steve:

He did. He sat there and
Said in a low voice
‘Has he killed any
More security guards
Lately?’

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

I said to him originally I
Have no idea what
You are talking about
But he laughed at me and said
‘Cut the crap, Steve. We both know
What happened on Monday don’t we?’
 I honestly looked at him blankly
And said ‘ This cannot be
Happening I must be going
Totally mad ‘ and he just
Said to me in reply to me
After a slightl pause 
‘ Mad, you don’t know
The meaning of the word ‘

Paul:

I don’t understand you.

 Steve:

‘ Mad ‘ He carried on to me
‘ You really don’t realise
What you have done
Do you, you stupid little fuck?’

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

I tried explaining
To him – honest, mate
That it was a complete
Accident. You didn’t
Mean to kill him. You
Were only trying to wing
Him – maybe shoot him
In the shoulder, just
Knock him out for a little
Bit so we could make
Make a run for it.
You didn’t mean
To Kill him.

(PAUSE) 

Steve:

I tried to explain him you
Didn’t mean to do it.
You didn’t mean to do it.
Oh god, I must
Have sat there seemingly
For hours trying to
Justify to him what
We did. I tried explaining
All of the shit we’d both
Gone through over the
Years but he would
Not listen to a single
Word I said.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He did not
listen atall.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He did not
Listen atall.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He didn’t listen.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He just gave me
A little chuckle – You
Remember what that
Was like, don’t you?
He giggled slightly
Under his breathe
And paused for a
Few seconds almost
As if to sink in
This chuckle was
Not a laugh or
A chuckle but
Rather a hint
At something  a
Good deal more darker
And sinister.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

Honest to god,
I tried. I carried on
Pleading to him
Frantically trying to
Explain to him
But all he seemed interested
Was delivering you
A message, no matter
How I pleaded with
Him for forgiveness.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

He wanted to say he
Understood.
He wanted to say he
Understood
Us both and he forgave
Us for what
Happened. He forgave
Us for killing him. He
Forgave us for everything
We did.

(PAUSE)

Steve:

But

(PAUSE)

Paul:

But what?

Steve:

He wanted you
To understand.

Paul:

I don’t understand
What you are saying
To me – understand
What?

(PAUSE)

Paul:

Understand what?

Steve:

He wanted you to
Understand no matter
What I said to him
It didn’t matter,
It did not matter.
He forgave you.

Paul:

I don’t understand you.
What did he say
To you?

Steve:

You’re next

(COLLAPSES ON THE
TABLE LIKE A PUPPET
DROPPED FROM A STRING)

(PAUL GETS UP AND STARTS
WALKING OVER TO
THE TABLE)

(ALAN WALKS IN THROUGH THE
KITCHEN DOOR AT THE BACK)

Paul:

Oh God

(FADE TO BLACK)  


(WE HEAR A SCREAM)